Social Anxiety
And Social Anxiety Symptoms
Discover
The key elements that maintain your social anxiety.
Randy Weiss Therapy is the Phoenix Regional Clinic of the National Social Anxiety Center
Social Anxiety
The Fear of Judgement, The Feeling of Shame
Of all the anxiety disorders, social anxiety is probably the least diagnosed and the most underestimated in terms of its negative impact on peoples’ lives. In addition to causing uncomfortable physical sensations of anxiety – – (including, in some cases, panic attacks) – – it brings on intense feelings of shame – – which leads to avoidance of situations, and often, depression.
Think about this in relation to yourself. Say you have a fear of speaking in front of groups, which, by the way, is the most common fear there is. What is it that you are afraid of: others judging you negatively. And why do you worry about this? Because deep down, you feel that you don’t measure up in some way. You feel deficient. You may know rationally that this isn’t true. And you probably don’t feel this about yourself in many aspects of your life. But when you have to face your “trigger” situation, logic goes out the window.
It may surprise you to know that a key element of social anxiety is perfectionism. I mean an exaggerated need to be perfect. You hold yourself to exceedingly high standards. And if you think you didn’t meet them, you’re extremely critical of yourself. You also believe, often incorrectly, that others have very high expectations of you.
Social Anxiety Disorder wreaks havoc with peoples’ lives because it causes a vicious, negative cycle. You worry in advance of a trigger situation. You either avoid it altogether, or white-knuckle your way through it. You analyze your performance afterwards, criticizing your perceived flaws and trying to guess how others judged you. It’s no wonder that social anxiety leads to under-achievement and loneliness.
Social Anxiety Symptoms
What You Feel
If you have social anxiety you may also have panic attacks, or at least panicky symptoms. But the symptoms you worry about, unlike someone with Panic Disorder, are the ones that show.
A person with Panic Disorder worries about passing out, dying of a heart attack or going crazy. You worry about “dying” of embarrassment if others pick up on your anxiety.
Common symptoms that socially anxious individuals worry about are:
- Blushing
- Sweating
- Trembling
- Shaky voice
- Difficulty thinking
- Looking awkward
Social Anxiety Symptoms
What You Think
Thoughts play a major role in maintaining social anxiety. That’s why it’s critical that you become aware of them and learn how to neutralize them.
Negative thoughts occur well before you are in the situation and often cause you to avoid it altogether. It’s not uncommon for someone who fears giving a presentation to worry about doing it weeks or months in advance!
Once you are in the situation, your thoughts turn inward to how you’re feeling and coming across. Instead of paying attention to what the other person is saying, you are focused on your own anxiety. It’s no wonder you have difficulty maintaining a conversation. After the event, you “ruminate,” going over and over in your mind how you think you screwed up and what the other person must have thought of you.
Some typical thoughts of someone with social anxiety:
- “If they see me blush, they’ll think less of me.”
- “If people notice me sweating they’ll think I’m incompetent.”
- “I looked like an idiot when I lost my train of thought.”
Social Anxiety Symptoms
What You Do
The biggest problem with social anxiety is that it causes you to forfeit important and pleasurable aspects of your life: job opportunities – – dating – – social gatherings.
If you cannot avoid an uncomfortable situation, you will use “crutches” – – [therapists call these “safety behaviors”] – – to try and cope. Alcohol, Xanax, poor eye contact, leaving early are some obvious safety behaviors.
Examples of more subtle ones are: going to an event with a “safety” person, sitting in the back of the room at a meeting, not speaking up in a conversation.
The problem with avoidance and using crutches is, first of all, you miss the opportunity to disprove what you expect will happen if you’re nervous. In other words, you never get the chance to find out that, most of the time, others will accept you.
You also cannot learn that even if your prediction comes true, you can cope much better than you thought. And so. . . . . . . you keep avoiding.
Social Anxiety
Treatment
Fortunately, social anxiety is very amenable to treatment. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has proven the most effective form of therapy, with up to 75 percent of people recovering from their social anxiety.
CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder incorporates 4 key components:
- Mindfulness is the skill of focusing outside of your head and letting yourself get lost in the conversation.
- Cognitive restructuring, teaches you to neutralize your negative thoughts and make them more objective.
- Assertiveness training helps you cope with a situation if your fear comes true.
- Experiments (i.e. Exposure Therapy) help you utilize the above skills and test your negative assumptions.
I will teach you how to:
- Focus your attention off yourself and onto where you need it when conducting a conversation or giving a presentation. (Mindfulness)
- Change your thoughts and beliefs about yourself to be less critical and more reflective of reality. (Cognitive Restructuring)
- Handle yourself if your fear comes true and others challenge or criticize you. (Assertiveness Training)
- Do strategic experiments utilizing these CBT skills.
How To Get Started
Contact Me Today
I offer a free phone consultation to discuss your situation, answer your questions and tell you how I would approach treating your problem.
